SOFT BIOHACKING GUIDE 03: AGING RADICALLY
On ripening instead of aging, and keeping both your face and your butt
Welcome to the third guide of the Soft Biohacking series. As a reminder, the central thesis of Soft Biohacking is this: we have become deeply disconnected from the natural, intuitive signals our bodies send us, and we have outsourced that wisdom to machines, protocols, industries, and external voices that profit from our confusion. Soft Biohacking is the practice of coming back to our most powerful source: our feminine intuition.
The first guide is about our second skin: what we wear, particularly to move in, and why natural fabrics matter.
The second guide is about nourishment and hunger, and how to quiet the external food noise so we can finally hear what our bodies are truly asking for.
This third guide is about aging. I want to say from the outset: I am not here to judge anyone’s choices. What you do with your face and your body is entirely your business. This is simply what I believe and what I practice. It seems that the philosophies I write about resonate with some of you, so I want to unpick the topic of aging through the Nouri Paris/ Soft Biohacking lens.
It’s true that today, we can’t deny the change in women’s faces in the streets, red carpets and social media feeds. Young women with frozen foreheads and inflated lips co-exist with women in their forties and fifties who have had so much done to appear weirdly ageless. Even the rare women praised for “aging naturally” have, on closer inspection, had a great deal of work. It’s just done by a more talented surgeon. (for all the coolness of Pamela Anderson, and I love her, she has had facelifts, etc.). The message is loud and clear: women are not allowed to age.
Then last week, I came across an interview with Rachel Ward.
Those of you from my generation and older may remember Ward from the 1984 film Against All Odds (go watch it, it’s so stylish). She was one of the most gorgeous women on screen at that time.
Today, at 67 years old, Ward lives in Australia with her actor husband Bryan Brown (they’ve been married forever) and runs a grass-fed cattle farm (I mean…). She’s a total badass, white-haired, procedure-free, and completely, unapologetically herself.
Watching her, I felt something visceral. It was the first time I saw a woman in the public eye and thought “I want to age like her.” It certainly appeals to me from a physical perspective. Though she wears no make-up, goodness her skin, riddled with lines, is radiantly gorgeous. Beyond looks, Ward has panache, spirit, spunk, confidence, style and conviction. She speaks authoritatively about the benefits of grass-fed meat in the same breath as the importance of preserving independent cinema.
She recently received a slew of hateful comments about her appearance, and was unbothered as she hit back at the trolls (if ever you needed a positive message about getting older, this video is it). It made me wonder why people have such a horrid reaction to a woman who has simply allowed herself to age naturally.
For me, Ward provides a model for how I want to get older. I want to look my age in the best version I can manage. At the same time, have the purpose, love, joy and convictions that keep me feeling youthful.
I often get comments on my photos that say things like: “oh my god, how do you not have wrinkles after 40?” But of course I have wrinkles. I am 44 years old and I am aging. I just try to find the best lighting. It begs the question: why do we care so much about the wrinkles? What is this obsession with the idea that there is something wrong with getting older?
We have buckled once again to the external view. Today with the democratisation of procedures, lasers and injectables, it’s never been easier to attempt to visually reverse time. It mirrors the GLP-1 conversation: we seemingly can buy a solution to a problem we didn’t invent. But at what cost? The act of “losing weight” or “removing wrinkles” isn’t going to make us happy or more youthful (I tend to find much of it ages us in the end). And worse, it distracts us from the stuff that truly counts.
The world says: spend your precious time, money, resources and energy on “reversing aging.” Soft Biohacking says: reclaim your birthright as a woman to use the wisdom and experience that comes with age to create the world you want to live in.
Because I truly believe that women become more exquisite as they age. They can be the coolest, most connected, most centred people on earth, and have so much to give.
On my birthday a few months ago, I published a piece called “44 Radical Choices I Made in My 40s” to inspire women everywhere that aging is not a process of decline, but rather a celebration of new opportunities, new experiences, more wisdom, more joy! I consider this the practical guide of how to implement those principles into your life, not matter your age.
So let’s liberate ourselves from the anti-aging dogma and allow ourselves the joy of aging radically.
The Soft Biohacking Guide to Radical Aging
1/ SKIN
We direct so much of the aging conversation towards our faces, so let’s begin there.
The external message: there have never been more tools, procedures and technologies to “fight” aging, and at the same time, never more conversations about celebrities and what they have done to their faces. This ranges from the bizarre (Jim Carrey aux Césars) to the speculative (Emma Stone). It’s voyeuristic and not a bit dystopian, but it has created a mirror in our own lives: the idea that our faces are a problem to fix, and that aging is something we need to fight against. More insidiously, young women are being told that these procedures are preventative, and I can’t really imagine what they will look like when they are my age. A generation of altered faces roaming the streets, shaping the expectations of all future generations of what beauty should look like.
The deeper truth: these procedures do not work in the long term and do not actually make us feel better about ourselves. I believe once we begin, we will never have “enough” and continue to buy into the procedure-industrial-complex, forever chasing an ideal that does not exist. We will never be satisfied, so my approach is not to get caught in the spider’s web to begin with.
Instead, I think about skin and outward appearance as something to nourish. Skin is a living and breathing organ, and like any organ it needs essential building blocks, vitamins and minerals to construct itself. Just like you cannot out-exercise a bad diet, you cannot out-Botox bad nutrition. Imagine every meal as an opportunity to feed your skin from the inside out. Collagen, vitamins, minerals, protein, essential amino acids. A colourful bountiful plate of animal fats and proteins, ripe fruits, mineral rich dairy, oily fish, gorgeous avocados, raw honey are the raw materials that will literally make your skin glow from the inside out.
I also think the impulse as we get older is to do more. More products, more procedures, more facials, more innovation, more tech, more disruption. But I believe as our skin ages, less is more. A few key products, with the right diet and lifestyle, and let the skin do what it is programmed to do. Honestly, in an ideal world, I think our skin would like that we do nothing to it. That’s certainly not the reality because we live with a lot of stress and unnatural stimulus, so feeling good about how we look should come with simple, nourishing and holistic practices.
What this looks like: you’ve no doubt seen the “eat your skincare” trend on social and it’s one I can definitely get behind. But the second layer is the actual skincare routine. I will be honest and transparent here. I used to be able to get away with only using oils and beef tallow on my face. As I’ve gotten older and as I live in Europe with very little sun in the winter months, I have had to adopt actives into my routine. For my body, hair and lips it’s beef tallow and natural oils all the way. For my face, I truly truly truly believe that less is more, and try to maintain a minimal, spartan approach to keeping my skin glowing.
Here is my exact skincare routine as a 44 year old woman:
Morning: gentle cleanser, copper peptide serum, vitamin C serum, moisturiser
Evening: gentle cleanser, copper peptide serum, retinol, moisturiser
2-3x a month if possible: sauna
2x a month if possible: red light therapy
You might be wondering about sunscreen. I don’t wear it (there’s my esoteric health girlie side showing). It’s definitely not a mainstream idea, and I wrote about that at length here. The short answer is that while I avoid sunburns and will wear sunscreen if spending significant time in direct midday sun (which rarely happens), on a daily basis basis I don’t wear it. We spend most of our time indoors, so if I am outside, I will receive sun in all its glory for as long as I can: I let it hit my skin and eyeballs (I don’t wear sunglasses, unless it’s the middle of summer and I’ve already built up a tan). I consider sunlight a key nutrient to wellness and longevity and do my best not to block it when I can get it.
2/ STRENGTH
The external message: there is a a bit of an arbitrary cultural pressure on women around “what age to start procedures.” I have women in my life who talk about it as if missing some imaginary cut-off point means there is no turning back. The messaging again here is so engrained and should be questioned, because aging has been sold to us as a cliff edge we’ll fall off, rather than a gradual, entirely manageable (and enjoyable!) process. With a med spa on every corner, allowing us to get whatever we want done during the lunch break, the conditioning has become to intervene early, to intervene often, and to keep intervening.
The deeper truth: I want to talk about something that nobody in the procedure conversation mentions, which is muscle. Specifically, what happens to your face when you lose it, and of course, what happens when you build it.
Again, I have no judgment on what people choose to do with their faces. But aside from the values-based reasons I choose not to inject, there is this fact that we need to understand: How does Botox work? Botox works by numbing the muscles it is injected into. If a muscle is numbed, what happens to it? It atrophies. But muscle is precisely what gives the face its shape, its structure, its tightness. Skin stretches over muscle, creating a taut and youthful “look,” and when that underlying structure diminishes (whether through inactivity or…being chemically paralysed), the face loses its architecture. This is one of the main reasons people who get injected tend to look more aged and must keep injecting forever. It’s not the lines, baby, but the loss of structure (muscle) underneath the skin.
Catherine Deneuve famously said “at a certain age, you have to choose between your face and your ass,” meaning, the tighter and firmer the former gets, the saggier and sadder the latter becomes. With great respect to a French icon: I disagree. I say we keep both. And the way we keep both is the same: we lift weights.
Strength training is, I have said it before and will keep saying it, a panacea for virtually everything. Bone density, metabolism, balance, energy, longevity…and when it comes to our external appearance specifically, building muscle is how we keep things naturally lifted. A lifted face, a lifted chest, a lifted ass. Weight training is anti-gravity, it is free, and it works at any age.
The body is remarkably logical about this. It adapts to whatever we ask of it most consistently. Sit all day and the body concludes that it doesn’t need to cultivate muscle, so we get a flat butt. Signal to your body regularly that it will need to lift heavy things, and it will build the muscle to meet that demand, as long as we eat enough to support it (see Principle 1). The body is listening and observing, we simply need to give it the right instructions.
What this looks like: a typical week for me is weight lifting 3-4x. I want to say something about what this actually looks like in practice, because I think women imagine it needs to be extreme or time-consuming or require a complicated program. Studies show you can do as little as two sessions a week, with compound movements, progressively heavier over time, fuelled by good food, and you will enjoy benefits. You will notice a profound difference in your energy, your posture, the way your clothes fit, the way you carry yourself. And in your face. I’m telling you, the structure, the lift, it is real. Personally, I find lifting more sustainable, enjoyable and holistically beneficial as a protocol than injectables. Give it a try, you can always go back if you wish.
3/ PURPOSE AND CONVICTION
The external message: I don’t need to say it but here’s the main premise. Certainly in America and increasingly around the world, as women age, they become less relevant. As a marketer, I was always suspicious of the obsession with youth culture, like, why do we care so much about what teenagers think? We somehow believe that those who have cultivated lived experience have no value, whereas young people are the only ones worth paying attention to.
Years ago, I led a global research study on aging, and ran focus groups in Japan (in addition to dozens of other countries). When I asked the participants about aging concepts they wish would disappear, I heard a phrase that shocked me: “women are like Christmas cake.” Christmas cake? They explained to me that, well, until the 25th of December, you pay full price for Christmas cake, after which, it is on discount. Meaning: women are considered a premium until they are 25, and then their value depreciates after that. I still get chills thinking about that moment.
We idolise youth, but it’s the women who have actually lived, who have accumulated decades of experience, wisdom, perspective and hard-won conviction, that are the true heroes, with so much to give! We aren’t allowed to mock any other demographic (ethnicity, sexuality, gender…) yet, we can liberally mock and dismiss older people. Why?
The deeper truth: the energy we pour into obsessing over our faces is energy stolen from our purpose. A woman without purpose ages faster than a woman without injections. Procedures can change what we look like but they cannot change how we feel, what we think, what we have to say, or what we contribute. And it is the depth, and conviction and distinct points of view that make a woman magnetically beautiful as she moves through life.
Here is what I believe: as women grow older, they ripen. We have lived through so much as mothers, daughters, friends, colleagues, caretakers, mentors, siblings, wives, lovers. We have a lot to say, and the idea that we fade into the background at precisely the moment we are becoming the fullest, most interesting versions of ourselves is nonsense.
What this looks like: for me it is constant learning, being a student of life, evolving, shifting my point of view. It is having a creative practice and a movement practice. It is developing and mentoring the next generation. It is never following trends, but creating them. It is taking up space to say what I believe and be more willing to say it.
Find the thing that makes you feel this way. Your work, cause, or creative practice. Cultivate your convictions, and have something to say that is yours and yours alone. Layer onto it day after day, month after month, year after year. This is your value, and one day you’ll wake up and realise that you do have beliefs and a sense of purpose. In a world obsessed with youth and the external, a woman with a genuine point of view based on real experience is one of the coolest things in the universe.
4/ JOY AND CONNECTION
The external message: we have built a culture that reserves its greatest pleasures for the young, and that encourages us to spend time with people just like us. The best part of life, like sensuality, adventure, desire, and deep connection are marketed to youth as if they have an expiry date (YOLO!). Meanwhile, older women are generally expected to recede into a smaller, more muted life with fewer connections and outings, fewer adventures, and definitely fewer thrills. Honestly, the whole gig is so depressing, no wonder nobody wants to “get old.”
The deeper truth: “getting old” needs a rebrand. “Getting old” should be one of the most joyful and exciting things about life! If, for example, we look at the Blue Zones research, despite some of its flaws, the takeaways are remarkably simple. Move naturally, eat simple whole foods, have purpose, and above all, live in joyful community with other people. Sounds pretty awesome to me.
Interesting thing to note about the famous observation that people in these regions drink wine daily, with the conclusion being that alcohol is good for you. We know now that there are no health benefits to drinking alcohol; the benefit for these people is that is it consumed with others, around a table, with pleasure and laughter and connection. Turns out, it is the joy and the togetherness that keeps people vital, not the wine.
And while we’re dispelling myths: when I ran the global study about aging, we found that people in their 70s reported having sex at roughly the same rate as people in their 20s. When I would present the research, that stat would elicit laughter and not a bit of discomfort. Honestly, I found it uplifting! Why should all the pleasure, sensuality and fun be reserved for the young? Joy does not have an expiry date and neither does true, deep transgenerational connection.
What this looks like: cultivate friendships with people younger than you and with people older than you! I have close friends who are 27 and close friends who are 84, and I learn from all of them. I used to teach a graduate program in New York City and every year my students taught me as much as I taught them. I listen carefully to the young people on my team with the same intensity as I observe the leadership. I still call my mom for advice. Spending time with people of different ages, backgrounds and perspectives is one of the most underrated things we can do for our vitality. It keeps us curious, humble, surprised and connected to the full spectrum of what it means to be alive.
Spend time with people who are not your age, not your background, not your usual crowd. Cultivate joy deliberately. Let the world open up and unfold for you, and watch your youthful energy soar.
The Soft Biohacking Guide to Aging Radically
1/ Skin: nourish from the inside out, keep your routine simple, and let the skin do what it is programmed to do best
2/ Strength: build muscle! It is the original anti-gravity solution, and it will serve your face and your body better than any procedure ever could
3/ Purpose and conviction: a woman with something to say, somewhere to be and something to build is the best youth-code available out there
4/ Joy and connection: surround yourself with people who make you feel stimulated, uplifted, inspired, across every age and background (because joy and connection do not have an expiry date!)
Stay nourished. x Nadia
Such an incredible write up , this should be in Vogue
I find your perspective on soft biohacking to be so encouraging and helpful! Please keep sharing 🫶🏻